The Old Comedy Gold

Local Granny raises funds to buy a pair a scissors on Kick-starter to save her beloved walker "Ferris" 

from the "terror" of light pole, and reaches $10 dollar goal yesterday. The Granny, who wants her name anonymous to the public, says that "Ferris has been more than a walker, he is my friend, and I love him", set up the Kick--starter with the name "Save Ferris" to try to rescue her "favorite grandson" in a time of need.

 Grandmother of 14 saves town from the "Rocky the Rapid Raccoon (R.R.R.)" by "360 no-scoping" the raccoon on her grandsons field trip to the Center City Zoo with a rifle. Known as "Xxx_Sweg_Granny420_xxX" by the Call of Duty community, she said in an interview that "the dank roadkill was ready to shank my fourth favorite grandson, so I just pull M.L.G. gun and kill the noob",but the Grandmother ended up getting arrested  for having weed on her.

In loving memory of Rocky Raccoon. Father, brother, mascot of Center City Zoo. Rest in poop.

Sisters Olga and Hippatippa go missing while walking their two nurse sharks last Friday at the local bay. Leaving 25 and 1/2 Catfish homeless, the "Crazy Catfish ladies who smell like stink-bait" were last seen at 4:20 pm by this photo, the Grannies last known words spoken were by Hippatippa "I'm going out with my sister to get ice cream, see you later alligator".